The Famous "F" word we thank God for Every Week.

Well friends, It's finally Friday. I have (almost) survived the first week of summer KinderCamp at work. Roughly 24 children everyday and two teachers. This week we learned about volcanoes, make volcanoes, erupted Volcanoes, drew volcanoes, had a water play day, and made bagel Pizza! It was a great first week. The kids were loud and roudy, but they learned so much and had a fun time doing it so I think we did something right in teaching them we can still have fun and learn at the same time. 

On a different note, my husband and I celebrated our four year wedding anniversary yesterday. Actually we celebrated last week with a nice dinner and a movie out. Last night he BBQ'd burgers and had dinner and a movie in. It was a relaxing time to enjoy each other's company. In two weeks we are off to Lake Tahoe to enjoy a peaceful much needed vacation canoeing and gambling and eating too much food! 

Originally I was calling this trip a Baby Makation-- a time to relax, to let go of the daily stress that life brings us, and of course a trip to indulge in the baby making process. But I also didn't want to bring pressure to the trip either! So now, it's just a much needed vacation, and if it happens that we make a baby in the process well then good for us, right?

I have four hours left of my day before I can go home. The afternoon is a little easier to manage; my little friends start going home and the day goes by much easier when there aren't so many of them running around the classroom screaming and poking each other in the ears with pencils. Its mentally draning to watch what these kids come up with. And everyday it's something new.... 

So until next week. Here's to the weekend!

Teacher? I prefer Educational Rockstar."

Well hello again. It's been too long. I have no excuse really, except I just didn't feel like writing. It's now June, and my preschoolers just graduated on Friday. That was the longest day of my life-- or so it seemed at the time. I'm sure I have had longer days but last Friday was one of the longest days I've had in quite awhile. These kids have drained me and I just wish we got a break every once in awhile...But sadly our school is a private school and we work year round, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. My vacation in a few weeks cannot come soon enough... don't get me wrong, I love my job.

Teachers are so under appreciated, and it's a sad truth. Parents do not realize what we put up with every single day for almost 12 hours. Yeah, some of our kids are here for that long every day and it makes me wonder... Do parents even like their kids? I get that parents work 8 hour days, some even more, but if it were me I would want to spend time with my kids, wouldn't you?  I would pick my kids up straight from work if I was able to. Some of these kids come to day care at 6am... and don't leave until 6:30.pm. Is it really because parents work 11 hours a day, or is it that parents work and then go shopping, and then go home and shower and make dinner and then come pick up their kids in time to shower and put their kids to bed, just to do it all again in the morning.

It's exhausting. I lost my voice last Wednesday not because I was sick. Because honestly I don't think I was sick. I think I was just so drained and stressed with graduation and prepping for graduation and from yelling over 40 four and five year olds that my body just couldn't take it anymore. It's been a week and my voice is finally returning to normal again.

Monday starts Summer programs-- water play and science experiments and new kids who don't know the routine, and more parents who undervalue us as teachers..... wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it.

Happy Mother's Day!

I know it's been awhile, and I'm sorry. I had both my mother in love and my husband asking why I haven't posted yet and if I was done with my blog... but no. I'm here now so don't fret! It's been a really long week. I've had some emotions to deal with and my allergies have been kicking my butt. I have been so tired this past week that every time I went to write a new post, I didn't have the energy to finish it and I couldn't think straight to put my thoughts down to post them.

Today is Mother's day. I started my day off this morning at church. I learned about a story in the bible that I had read before, but now I see it in a new light.

The story goes like this: Hannah longed for a son but she was not able to conceive. All while infertile, she never lost faith and continued to pray to God as hard as she could. Then, when God granted her a child, Samuel, she promised God that she would dedicate her Son to Him. She gave her son to God at the temple. For so long she was in deep anguish because God did not give her children and when God finally answered her prayers, she stood in faith and sacrificed her son to God for Eli the priest to raise. Unlike other infertile women in the bible, like Rebekah and Sarah,  Hannah's faith in God was unwavering and she continued to look for the promise of God. And she accepted it. She praised God for her blessing, and thanked him for Samuel, and then acted on her promise.

Now, here I am, not infertile, but a woman who has suffered great sadness of losing a child. But, I feel like I can relate to Hannah. I know I may be interpreting the story a little different than what my pastor described this morning, but this is just what I got out of it. When my husband and I started trying for a baby, I prayed daily. I prayed hard. And I think in those months of trying, my faith was so strong. I believed that God was going to bless me, and I knew that God had a plan for us. And then when I found out I was pregnant, I was the happiest that I think I ever was. I couldn't even wait to tell my husband. I couldn't even plan a special announcement to tell him because I was beside myself about the news. I found out very early I was pregnant. It was one day after my missed period, but for some reason I just had an inkling to take a test.

I got to enjoy being pregnant for a couple of weeks and then I heard the heartbeat! That day, was one of the greatest days of my life, apart from marrying my husband. We heard the heart beat very early also, right between five and six weeks. I enjoyed being pregnant for two more weeks after that. I started getting morning sickness, and feeling my stomach change. I got to feel what a mother feels. I started thinking about what my child was going to look like, and what his or her name was going to be. My emotions were out of control, especially not being able to tell anyone that I was pregnant on Thanksgiving when being pregnant was what I was most thankful for; being blessed to be able to conceive a child was the best gift I could have ever received.

And then, when I went for my eight week checkup, my world shattered. There was no heartbeat and my baby only measured six weeks, three days. I lost my baby soon after I heard the heart beat... and  I began to question God and why he took my child away from me.

So Mother's Day has been hard for me. I feel like Hannah. Hannah was given a child. Her prayers were answered. And then, as a promise to God, she gave her child back. She gave up her child. I have to believe she suffered deep anguish to do this... because that is all I have felt the last six months. But unlike Hannah, my faith has wavered over the last six months. My husband and I have not been trying for another child just yet, because we know that it's not the right time for us; someday soon, but not today.

I feel like Hannah because God answered her prayers and then she had to give up the gift she had been longing for, her son Samuel. I prayed hard for a baby... and then I had to give up my baby to God. But I have to remember God's promise. And that's what I keep telling myself. Even on days when my faith is shaky, I have to remember that God is in control. Yes, losing a child is heartbreaking. Losing a child changed everything for me. But, God will answer my prayers. Hannah had no reason to be sad, because she knew that God was with her, and God remembered her prayers and blessed her beyond what she could have ever imagined.

So I have to believe that God will do the same for me, as long as my faith is unwavering, and heart is true. I cannot be sad anymore, because God is with me. In the last few months I have had a difficult time but I'm taking this opportunity, this new light, to pray as hard as I ever have before-- to be like Hannah, faith unwavering. I'm giving my heart to God tonight. I know my story is different than Hannah's and I know it's not the same scenario, but through Hannah I have learned so much.

I found this quote tonight and it speaks so much truth... "To trust God in the light is nothing, but to trust Him in the dark, that is faith."  So to those who are silently suffering tonight, to those suffering with infertility or miscarriage, or loss-- have faith; Be strong and unwavering. Be like Hannah. Ask God for what you seek. Pour your heart out to Him. Give God your brokenness... let Him take care of you.

Happy Mother's Day to the mommies who are silently suffering today. May God bless you a hundredfold! You are not broken, you did nothing wrong. You are strong, you are brave and there is Hope.

I must close this post now before I start crying. I am so thankful to all my mommies. To my own mother, to my grandmother and to my mother in law. I love them all so much!

So, tell me what you want, what you really REALLY want...

My birthday is in two days. And before I say anything more in regards to that, I have everything I could ever want, really, but in the back of my head there is always something else to want, right? I'm really into card- making, so my wonderful hubby bought me a Sizzix Die-cut and Embossing machine! I was very excited, and I already knew what I was getting because I picked it out, along with some new scrapbook paper, an all in one tool for my new Sizzix machine, and some embossing envelopes. I was so excited in fact, that I opened it already and began using it before my birthday even arrived. And it's so much fun!

He also bought me a delicious looking bottle of Stella Rosa semi-sweet red wine. Stella Rosa is one of my favorite brand wines. Of course, I'm going to share it with him as he requested.

But you know what I want, what I REALLY really want? Three things, that which money can't really buy.

I want to look my age. Weird, right? And I know what you are going to say. If I could hear you, you would say, "When you are older, you will be happy to look younger than you are because then people will say, "You look amazing for your age!" But right now, I'm going to be 28. And so many people that i'm surrounded with on a daily basis tell me I look 22, 23, maybe 24. I went to college already. I'm not college aged anymore, either. I'm not even young adult anymore, because if you look it up Young Adult categorizes people from 18-22 or 18 to 25-- and I am 28 on Thursday. I am classified into Later Adulthood 25-30. I am only two years away from being 30, and I want to feel like I am two years away from 30. When people look at me like I'm only 23 or 24, I start doubting my maturity. I know that's lame, but it's true. Am I that immature that people don't see me as a 28 year old adult? Have I not done enough in my life to be seen as a 28 year old adult? I mean, I'm married... We bought a house... we almost had a baby.. we have steady jobs. What do I need to do to look and be seen as a 28 year old?

I want a baby. I think about it everyday. My world feels incomplete ever since my miscarriage. Like a piece of me is missing and I will never get it back. Of course, I don't want to replace what I lost, but I am ready to try again, in hopes of a better outcome. I am ready for the rainbow after the storm. I am ready to feel something grow inside of me again- to feel instantly connected to the life growing inside of me. But I am being as patient as I possibly can, knowing that the timing is not right yet, and knowing that God has a plan for me and my husband to conceive again- and when it's time, we will be joyful!

I want to go to the beach! A little more lighthearted than the previous want. The beach is my happy place. It's where I forgot all my worries and fears, and let go. It's almost like a freshness is given to me when I'm sitting on the beach, staring out into the horizon. It makes me feel new and refreshed. There's nothing surrounding me to cause pain. It's a chance to breathe in relief, breath out worry. And of course, it's a chance to eat a clam chowder bowl!

So, that's what's on my mind today. On Thursday we are going to Buffalo Wild Wings to celebrate our birthdays with some friends. My husbands birthday is on May 10 and I'm buying him a down jacket for when he goes camping ( He picked it out, no surprises here). And Mother's Day is coming up shortly also... stay tuned to see how I'm feeling about that subject.

Toodles! <3

"Surround yourself with people that build you up..."

Hello friends!

I like to think of my viewers as friends. I'm not sure who is really reading my blogs after all. I don't have very many friends in this world. What is a friend anyway? I think a friend is someone who you have a mutual bond with, someone you can talk to, whom you can trust your secrets with. A friend is someone who sticks by your side through all of life's journeys, no matter how big or small. A friend is someone who even when life gets busy, you can call them up after months or years without talking and they will still be there for you when you need them. A true friend is hard to find these days. I only have a select few of them myself. Does that make me a loner? No, I don't think so. I think it makes me cautious. I've trusted many people in my life with friendship. I've had some falling outs, some "growing aparts", and some just really busy with life...But the true friends are those friends who no matter how busy they are, no matter what's going on in life, still check up on you. They continue to ask you if you are need of prayer, if you need a coffee date, some girl time, etc. and they know that you've got their back too.

I'm thankful for my friends, especially over the last four months. The ones who know what's been going on in my life, and every week take the time out of their busy schedules, to check and make sure I'm doing alright. And after all we talk about and share with each other, when I just can't possibly share anything else with anyone, and I feel like my world is crumbling down, my friends encourage me to keep on going, and they tell me to continue to look to God for guidance. One friend even told me she thinks I am resilient. Me, resilient? With all that I'm feeling, I never thought myself to be resilient. And I took it as a compliment because even though I couldn't see it, others were. I was reminded that God gives us challenges in life, but we are not alone in them. God is right there by my side. I have to keep my mind set on Christ, and find joy in these troubled times. It helps me to not dwell on what I don't have and to keep moving forward. That doesn't mean I have to forget what happened to me, it just means I need to continue growing strong in Christ and know He is going to take care of me.

 I'll leave you with this quote:
"Surround yourself with people that build you up and encourage you to live out God's plan for your life."

"You're not hungry, you're bored..."

Well friends, I started my diet! I am on day 4. I am actually really proud of myself because I even got on the treadmill yesterday. I only did 10 minutes though because I don't think I drank enough water and I got really dizzy. Sometimes I get ahead of myself and forgot that I need to start slow. Mind you, I haven't exercised in quite a long time.

My diet isn't one of those crazy diets. I am also counting my calories, 1200 a day. And I just have to say, 1200 calories is NOTHING. I am so hungry-- but I think it's because lately I have been eating everything I could get my hands on, so I feel like I am depriving myself even though I know I am not. It's manageable. I am also eating more fruits and veggies in my lunch instead of processed snacks. I am still allowing myself to have my bag of potato chips at lunchtime. It's a single serving one, not the big bags that have 3 or more servings, promise. My goal is to cut out the majority of unhealthy things, trim back the salt and starches. I need to stop eating when I am not hungry. The purpose of food is not to eat it because it tastes good... the purpose is to fuel and nourish our bodies. Of course a slice of cheesecake every now and then isn't going to hurt us. That's why God invented cheesecake isn't it-- to pleasure our taste buds?  Of course that extra slice of pizza isn't gonna kill us-- but often we eat because we want it, because we crave it, or because we are bored when really that is not the purpose of food. When you get that out of your head, that food isn't meant to be eaten because it tastes good, I think in reality we can start to eat healthier and make better choices once we start seeing how much better our bodies begin to perform.

One thing I need to work better at is drinking water. I get so busy during the day that I forgot to stop and drink water. And then, I realize at the end of the day that I am still on the same cup of water I brought to work in the morning. That's terrible! Some days I drink water all day long, but I know I have to drink water like that every single day. Especially because that is a key to losing weight. Water helps your body to cleanse but also helps you to stop retaining water. I have a really slow metabolism too, so drinking water helps boost that also. It's not that I don't like drinking water, I just forget and then realize when I get a headache or feel draggy, it's because I haven't had enough fluids during the day. Coffee in the morning just doesn't cut it!

So anyway, that's what has been going on this week. Tomorrow we are going to Sizzlers for dinner... all you can eat salad bar? Salad is good for you, right? Have you seen Sizzlers' salad buffet? They have tacos, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, potato and macaroni salad... What am I supposed to do with that? Well, stay tuned. My guess, I'm going to indulge in some good food! I deserve it, right?

Why am I writing about work on a Saturday???

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." Steve Jobs

Let's talk about work. They say if you have a job you love, you won't work a day in your life. I'm not sure if that is exactly true. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job-- but my job is WORK. I work for a private christian preschool. There are 43 kids enrolled in my class and I work alongside three other teachers; four teachers to about 36 four year olds everyday. I work 9 am to 6:30 pm Monday through Friday and I am grateful to have the weekends off. 

My day begins like this: 

I walk into my classroom and before I can even put my things away, the children begin shouting at me:

"Miss Shannon!"

"Miss Shannon, you're here!"

"Miss Shannon, guess what?"

"Miss Shannon...."

"Miss Shannon...." (all simultaneously I might add.)

 The other teachers on duty are trying to get the children settled. At 9 am we are just finishing our morning snack and getting ready for morning circle time. My presence seems to distract them from what they should be doing, which is sitting quietly and waiting for their group to be called to throw their trash away, get a sip of water, use the restroom, and sit at circle time. But by me walking in they begin to get rowdy and lose their control. My bad.  

"Eagles (that's our class name) quiet down. You are TOO LOUD" I hear one teacher say.

"Eagles that's enough. Listen for your group and be quiet", another says. 

"You are going to lose playtime if you cannot settle down," the other says.

Ten more minutes of this continues on and finally the children are sitting down at circle time. It's Monday. My day to conduct circle time. I sit down. 

"Good morning Eagles," I say.

"Good Morning, Ms. Shannon" the group of four year olds chant. 

"How are we doing this morning?" I ask them. I hear, "Good!" from a few of the kids. "Bad", I hear a few others say.

"Well I hope we all had fabulous weekends but now it is time to get our day started. Are we ready?" I ask them. "Yeah!!" they all say.

"First I need all my eagle friends to do three things for me. Number one: Sit on your bottom! Number two: Hands go in your lap! Number three: Catch a bubble in your mouth! Got it?" They all nod, with the exception of ten who shout "Yes got it!" 

So I reply, "Friends, if there is a bubble in our mouth can we shout out?" Some shout "No!" while others shake their head. Some of my little friends understand, but others, well, I'm not sure they will ever get the hang of it.

After fifteen minutes of reviewing letters, numbers to 30, days of the week, months of the year and reading a story, we begin to disperse into our learning stations. Each station is divided into four color groups and we divide into four stations consisting of Math, Writing, Science and Art. 

Now each teacher gets a group of kids and after 15-20 minutes we rotate through each center. I am the science teacher. I do the fun stuff. But-- when there is a group of 6-8 kids at a station, it gets really difficult to do any teaching at all when I spend the majority of my time trying to stay on topic and keep the children focused and from hurting each other. It's really not a whole lot of time to get everything done. But it gets easier as the groups go on because I learn from my mistakes in the first group. 

Last week we were discussing bugs. We watched "Sid the Science Kid" and discussed dirt and worms. I made a sensory bin with bugs, rocks, soil, and seeds and let the children explore. We also drew pictures of a bug and learned about the different types of bugs. The kids love science! 

After center time, we have bible time. During bible time we discuss our monthly bible verse and read a story from the bible, and sing songs. While one teacher is doing this and another is helping keep the kids under control, the other two teachers are making the nap beds. After bible time, the kids line up to use the restroom before we go outside to play. This part of the day is very chaotic.

When the kids go outside to play, I usually go inside at 11:15 to begin heating and setting out their lunches. It takes a good fifteen minutes to get this done so it's ready for the kids to come in at 11:30, wash their hands and sit down for lunch. Once they are all settled down at the tables we say our prayers:

 "God is great. God is good, Let us thank him for our food, By his hands, we all are fed, give us Lord our daily bread, Amen. Thank you Jesus, Thank you thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus for our lunch today! And all God's children say Amen." 

After lunch, the kids clean up their areas, use the restroom, and proceed to locate their nap cots. It's roughly 11:50 am. It takes 25 minutes for the children to settle down into their beds. The lights go off and the room becomes dark. This is the best time of my day, We, I mean the children, nap until 2:30 pm. During this time, the teachers take shifts in watching the children sleep while others take their lunch breaks. This time allows the teachers to regain what sanity they have left for the day and re-energize for the remainder of the afternoon. 

At 2:30 pm, the room becomes light again. We take the dark curtains off the windows and it's time to wake  up. We slowly begin to pick up cots, and wake children up from their sleepy dreams. At least two children have peed their beds. Yippee. Now we have to get the carpet powder to soak up the pee on the carpet. 

As the children wake up, they must put their nap sacks away in the closet and go sit at the table for snack time. at 2:45ish we say our prayers and have snack. 

"God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for our food. By his hands we all are fed, give us Lord our daily bread. Amen. Thank you Jesus, Thank you Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus for our snack today! And all God's children say Amen."

At 3 pm, the children throw their trash away, go potty and wash their hands and proceed once again to circle time, where they listen to a story or play a group game while we set up afternoon stations. For the next hour, the children get to play in stations that are less teacher conducted learning, and gear more towards learning through play, and self expression. This time of the day is chaotic because some children get out of hand when in a play type setting. They have more freedom in the afternoons and tend to get a little wild and crazy. Us teachers spend a lot of this time yelling for them to settle down.

At 4 pm, we go outside, During this time most of the kids go home.And most of the teachers. By 4 pm, I am exhausted and have two and a half hours remaining until I can finally go home. 

At 5 pm, we go back inside. I have roughly 12 children. At 5 pm, the last Eagles teacher leaves for the day leaving me alone. 

At 5:30 pm my class combines with the toddlers teacher and we have roughly 10- 15 children combined.  Between 5 and 5:30 our counts (how many children we have) begin to dwindle. 

At 6pm, the toddler teacher leaves, leaving me alone with about 6 kids. While they sit and play, I begin to close down the classroom. 

When I have two little friends left, I begin to lock all the doors of the classrooms and the church buildings. 

I'm the only one left on campus now. Just me. All the kids have finally gone. It's 6:30 pm. Finally time for me to go home. I walk through the church, clock out, and set the church alarm, shutting the door behind me.

They say if you love your job, you won't work a day in your life... I love my job. But everyday, I work my butt off to make sure the children in my care have an amazing day of fun and learning. It's the best job ever.  But it is definitely work.